Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pouring on the guilt....

My son is not even 4, and we have been in this house for less then a month and he is already pouring on the mommy guilt.

His new school has very active parents, like the Bellvue school in Odd Mom Out
it even has a "head mom". Ugh! We can from a public pres-school that even when asked didn't have parents help, so it was an adjustment for me to start with.

Well we had parent teacher conferences on Monday (another new adventure for me!) and one of the questions we had to answer on our pre-conference form was how our child feels about school. So I asked him.

Me: "So, how do you like your new school"
AW: "It's okay, I like it enough, I just wish you would stay"
Me:"Well that's silly, I didn't stay at your old school and non of the other mommies stay"
AW: "Yes they do, all the other mommies stay at school"
Me: "What do you mean all the mommies stay at school, what do they do?"
AW:"You know, they stay and help, all the other mommies do it"

Sigh, pull on the heart strings, yank on the guilt card. I know there are mommy volunteers in his class, but its not ALL the mommies and its not every day. Besides, what do I do with Peanut? Leave her home alone? We have never had a sitter and now we live pretty far away from grandma and grandpa now, and they would have to drive on the expressway in rush hour to get here...so unlikely they will do that for 2 hours on a weekday morning.

But it still saddened me, and I asked his teacher about it. Yes some mommies help, but not all of them. No I can't bring the baby and they understand we just moved her and don't have arrangements. I was almost in tears (PMS?), maybe I can help at the holiday party when hubby is off.

Ugh, the once feminist (died when I took a feminist studies class, that is another lecture) was screaming iinside of me, it wanted to be mad. I gave up a carer for you child! I suffered some pretty serious PPD for you! I stay home all day cooking and playing with you, isn't that enough! But I know its not, I had parents who never came to anything at school (they both worked). they helped in other ways and they were more involved when we were younger then when we were older. I know his toddler brain cannot see the little things I do everyday, only the big things he can see and understand. Friends mommy in classroom, my mommy at home with icky sister.

Sigh...I hate being made to feel guilty. I'm polish catholic, I got the guilt thing covered on my own, I don't need to be reminded by a 3 year old that I am still woefully adjusted to being in this new strange place with all these uber friendly Stepford wives. I realize that every day.

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