Thursday, May 14, 2009

Free to just be

Is there anything more amazing and refreshing then the spontaneous hug of a two year old? The kind where they throw their arms around your neck and cover you in their love? It so revitalizing and reassuring that you are the most amazing thing in their life.

Finding balance is not as easy as the books make it sound. Its easy to say you need to say no and let go of the super mom complex it's much harder to do. But I'm trying. After yesterday's rant (post) I set to work and planned a better day.

I left the house for school drop off with nothing. Nothing! It was freeing. I brought my wallet of course because I am such a goody two shoes I am afraid of getting pulled over and not having a license. But I took no phone, no watch, no diaper bag. It was freeing! Than I decided I wanted a bagel.

Well that took more than I thought, I am not in a neighborhood ripe with Jewish delis and bagel shops. I had to settle for a chain restaurant and a 15 minute drive but my daughter had fun and loved her chocolate chip bagel. I went a whole hour without a phone or reminders of what i needed to do! We than went home and I let PBS watch her. Sometimes finding balance means realizing that once and awhile, in order to restore yourself and get something done you do what works. Not what experts in glass houses say. Two hours of TV won't kill her, it won't ruin her future, make her a blubbering mute who is delayed by years, I need to realize this and relax. Better yet, she actually watched, by herself! So I got soooo much done and really felt like I made progress on the project I am trying to finish.

I also decided to take the afternoon off and just enjoy life, just be. Which is not easy for me. Sitting and doing nothing is akin to torture. I only sit still and do nothing if I am on vacation and that nothing is reading...seriously I am no Thoreau and I can't just sit and feel the surroundings...I'm working on it. So I read my book, I did an I Spy with my son, and than I broke afternoon routine! I gave them a snack and took them out at 4 to a touch a truck event. I didn't stress about the fact that dinner, and therefore bedtime, would be late. I didn't rush them or hurry them along. We just hung out, rode a street cleaner, climbed on every imaginable truck and just had fun. You know what, no one cried, the world didn't stop, and they were even in bed and asleep by 8. More importantly they had an amazing time. They couldn't stop talking about it, we even played outside after dinner pulling weeds, getting dirty and getting hugged and loved my a 2 year old who was no happy to not here No, Hurry up, its time to go.

So I can do it, I just have to keep trying, and taking one day at a time. We'll see if I can remember that as we enter some insanely busy two weeks...in fact I really shouldn't be writing this because I need to shower and than be in two places at once...I double booked us. Eek!

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