Friday, August 21, 2009

Take Two

I just found out two friends are pregnant with their second (CONGRATULATIONS!) and I told them I would publish a piece I wrote back in 2007 about becoming a mom for a second time and changing thoughts on what being a mom is. Here it is....maybe tomorrow I will reflect on how things are different now.

Originally written and published in July 2007

People seem to reserve the term “new mom” for those mom's that are truly new, first time moms. However I think it applies to all mom's of newborns. Each child is new, with new situations. Call it new mommy take two.

I became a new mommy take two this April. It was so different from being a new mommy for the first time. I had a scheduled c-section as a result of an emergency c-section the first time, I was not going that route again. It is very surreal to drive to the hospital not being in labor and to walk (they let you walk!) up to labor and delivery. That drive and walk was the most stressful part, everything else was a piece of cake. In fact I made my anesthesiologist laugh as I started discussing food, burgers in particular, with one of the nurses. It was the first time anyone with their gut splayed opened had been begging for food.

That week in the hospital was a vacation. Yeah you read that right vacation. I have a 2 year old son, I haven't had that much peace and quiet, time to read or watch TV uninterrupted for at least 12 months. While it was nice not having my whole day narrated for me, I did miss my baby. I mean I had this new beautiful baby girl, but she didn't feel like my baby. My baby was at home, with daddy, missing mommy.

Having a second child is a weird experience. everyone with more then one says don't worry you will love this one just as much as the first. You don't divide your love, it multiples, and it does. I didn't have the swelling surge of emotion when I first saw my daughter, I think that was because I knew what was going to happen when. Her surge came in small little waves over and over for the first few weeks. The nice thing about being a new mommy take two is you know some things. You know how to feed, change, and care for your baby (you knew that the first time to, you just didn't know you knew it). You are a lot more relaxed and can enjoy the experience of birth and a new baby.

However knowing doesn't mean its easy, at least not for me. I was still filled with fear and worry. this time though, my fear and worry wasn't about how I was going to take care of this little child. I had done it once I could do it again. I have bigger fears. My second is a girl, my first is a boy. That has worked out great for getting August used to being a big brother. However I am a boys mom. Now I need to be a girls mom. It's different. I don't want anyone to read this and think my mom was bad, but I want my mother daughter relationship to be different. I have struggled through lots of things in life that I don't want my daughter to experience. I want her to love herself, all of herself. I want her to love me and I want to get along with her, even be friends. Most of all I want her to be happy, just like I want for my son. For some reason though I feel like this is harder for a girl. Maybe I will be wrong, maybe it will come as naturally as raising my son has. If being a new mommy take two has taught me anything its that I am an good mom. I may not be perfect, but I am good. That has been good enough for my son, and I hope it will be good enough for my daughter too.

1 comment:

kim said...

I just found your blog and loved this post! My sentiments exactly on becoming a second time mommy.