The story of my birth....hmmm that would probably fall under the category of things mom doesn't like to talk about, or can't remember. Which is a lot. I do know this, she was in labor for 24 hours. I know this because my dad almost every year gets my birthday wrong. He always calls the day before to wish me a happy birthday. Last year they even argued with me., my own parents, argued with me over MY OWN BIRTHDAY. Something you would think sticks in their mind huh?
I'm learning to be less angry and more accepting of those things. My mom has had a hard life. Made harder by times and people around her including her children (including me!) and herself. I want to believe that she wishes we had a relationship like she had with her mom where they talked everyday, but I'm not sure. We disagree on a lot and are just very different people. I sometimes wonder if she looks at me with pride or with wonder, like how is that my child? I wonder what I would feel like if that happens with my daughter.
Everything is more complicated with a daughter because you really see her and her life through your eyes and yourself. It's like gazing through a looking glass into the past and future all at once and it confuses and inspires and makes you understand. Your mom did the best she could, just like you. You learn to grow up and accept that she is not just a mom she is a wife and an employee and a person and sad, tired, lonely...all those things you struggle with. Only she did it at a time when you don't talk about it, you don't blog about it for sure. You bury it deep inside and it becomes just one more thing weighing on your shoulders and your soul.
I guess that describes the moment when I realized she was more than a mom, too. Everyday since having my daughter.