I try to see what everyone else sees...it's just so hard to do.
I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and I didn't see me, I saw her, that girl everyone else sees. I was a junior in college, 20 years old. I almost cried, I cry remembering the feeling. Than poof its gone.
It easy to blame distorted body images on a lot of other places...the media, the coach who said you “were looking a little heavy” when you finally broke a hundred pounds, the mom who said she didn't worry about you when you went out because well..."you don't have a body like your friend E, they boys wouldn't choose you....”
But like my husband tries to remind me....people can talk but you don't have to listen.
But how do you not listen to the voices in your head? How do you not let those little things beat you down over and over again.
I look in the mirror and I so badly want to be happy with what I see...sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. I have to try harder, I have to work harder to see that it doesn't matter what is on the outside because now I am a mother.
A mother of a daughter.
When she looks in the mirror I want her to see beauty and happiness, and love. Love for herself and everything she is.