Monday, November 30, 2009

Putting on the Mommy Mask

Today is going to be a tough day, aside from being Monday, after a 4 day holiday weekend that is.

I have a breast ultrasound this morning. For a lump I found a month ago. I am 32 yrs old.

If that wasn't stressful enough. I have to take my children with me because I couldn't arrange childcare for them.

So I am stressed and I am scared. Half my brain knows that it is probably nothing. I have been down this road before, I have fibrocystic breasts. That combined with other medical issues means in all likely hood it's nothing. Than there is the other half of my brain, the part that worked on oncology floors, that took genetics. The part that can process that my grandma died from breast cancer. If it's genetic, it would have been passed to me (quick side, men have only one X. If it's genetic then my dad would carry it on his one X, since he has only one X to give me, it would be passed on).

I'm trying to have faith and let the positive side of my brain take over. If you think it it will be right?

I have to because my kids have to be with me. I need to put on my mommy mask that shows them I am brave, I am strong, it's not a big deal and everything will be okay. It will be hard and will require more patience than I think I have. But that's what we do as moms isn't it? We put on our mask and express to our children what is best for them. We hide our fears and our stresses to make the world a safer and more understanding place for them.


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UPDATE:

The kids were angels...they had all the staff, doctors and nurses fooled (and wrapped around their finger!). I couldn't have imagined better behavior!

The other good news is while the doctor did feel the mass. He didn't feel any defined edges edges, it was more of a diffuse area. The Ultrasound confirmed that. So...he says don't worry it's nothing but fibrocystic changes. Watch it, do a weekly BSE and follow up in 3 months, unless there are changes. So for now...all is well and we can go back to worrying about other things, like teething, potty training, sleeping and the holidays!

3 comments:

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

I remember that fear when they were looking into what was causing my ovarian cysts - I remember all the things that went through my head. I will be thinking of you today and praying that things go well (especially the children!!)

DiPaola Momma said...

This is GREAT news! I read this post and had a lump in my throat worrying about you. Keep up with the check ups though okay. You can NEVER be TOO safe!

The Blue Zoo said...

Glad that all is well, and the kiddos behaved!

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