The Emergency Chameleon

When there is an emergency you need all types of people to help get through it. It one of the first things they teach you in first responder classes. Find someone who looks calm and put together, point to them tell them "YOU, go call 911". They remind you there will always be someone freaking out and if you are by yourself you need to assign someone else, who seems to be relatively calm and ask them to move that person away and try to calm them down. All these assume that you, the first responder, are calm and collected yourself. Well for the most part I am, was, and can be.

In my house I am the first responder when someone gets hurt, ill, injured, etc, etc, etc. I kind of asked for it when I majored in biology, thought about med school (skipped it) and went into health care. I also grew into that role because I come from a rather drama queen/king family who make mountains into mole hills and prefer to come up with their own scenarios instead of listening to doctors. Sometimes that gets exhausting though. We have two kids, do you know how often (when one is a boy) someone is getting hurt or sick?

I mean I have been the calm and collected one through:

• My water breaking while home alone
• 20 hours of pitocin to try to induce labor
• a 10mo old ER vist for stitches
• a 20 mo old ER visit for a broken arm
• a 11mo old night of gasping for breath and coughing
• a 11mo old ER visit for croup countless nights of high fevers
• an almost 3yr getting his hand stuck in the elevator door
• a 2 year old DIY surgical removal of top lip from gum by falling off table
• a 2.5yr old falling in the tub and cracking open her chin
• countless scrapes, falls and other shenanigans that resulted in copious amounts of blood, including husbands.

Over those years I have learned that there is some value in being the crazy one. The one that assumes the worst and moves in rapid spastic movements. I have learned that the best time to let the crazy hang out is when the hubby appears to have things under control. It works well because whether you admit it or not everyone has a little crazy in them that needs to come out and play. If you claim you don't you are lying to yourself and missing out on fun. Seriously, let your crazy out to play, it's good for you!

Times when I have let my crazy out in all it's glory?

• after 20 hours of pitocin to induce labor when my epidural was wearing off and they said- we're going to have to do a c-section
• whenever hubby tries to surprise us and come home at noon- what's going on have you been fired? are we loosing the house?
• when hubby gives the children even more stuffed animals to sleep with at bedtime, because really the 70 they have in there is not enough and they will suffocate! Die! I don't care if he is 4 the animals will smother him in his sleep!
• Any time anything breaks around the house. HONEY you have to come home immediately the toilet is clogged, I blew a fuse, the sump pump is running.
• Wild animals where they should not be, not limited to...opossums in the garage (they are BIG and gross looking), Mice (only cute in a cage) and roaches. Roaches involve screaming, running, tears, and followed up by deep cleaning while sobbing.
• Coyotes, coyotes on your running trail deserve a good old fashion freak out every time.

Now I can see some of you tsk, tsking and shaking your head right now...those are not emergencies no one is injured or hurt. Well I tell you, you face down a opossum in a dark garage or a coyote on a dark and foggy running trail and in one split second it can turn into a story on Oprah. A story of bravery and survival. Think about it...

So while my training has taught me that it's best to stay cool, calm and collected in emergency situations. I have decided that chameleon is best. I prefer to morph into what the situation needs. If hubby is all calm and oh, that's just the sewer backing up in the basement. I need to jump in and start freaking out about cesspools and infections, black mold and how we are all going to die (the fact that it is an inch wide circle of water is irrelevant). If hubby is freaking out that a little shoulder/chest pain is a heart attack and he is surely dying...I calmly start checking out all his vitals and calmly and lovingly calm him down while reminding him that gas from eating Taco Bell for lunch while horrible, will certainly not kill him.

Yep chameleon works for me, what works for you?

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