Thursday, May 6, 2010

Open letter to New Moms

Dear New Moms

As you get ready to celebrate you first Mother's Day this "experienced" mom wants to tell you some stuff I wish I knew that first year. (it's "experienced, because you are only as experienced as yesterday, trust me. I have no idea how to prepare for tomorrow!)

  • Cut yourself some slack.
Easier to say then execute, I know. A wise mom told me when I had my first "your the only mom he knows, only you know your doing it wrong". Also, there is no right or wrong. Yes, there are the big ones, it's wrong to carry a baby around by it's ankles, but you know that. I am assuming if you read this that you are fairly intelligent and you won't mess up the big things. It's the little ones that you will obsess over. What he ate, how much, when he's sleeping, burping, fussing, what types of clothes, food, wipes, toys, relax. Mothering is somewhat instinctual and you will do what is best for you and your family at that moment in time.

  • Other peoples advice, take it with a grain of salt.
Everyone will have advice (look at me I'm trying to give you advice!) listen, nod at appropriate times and tuck those kernels of other mom wisdom in the back of your brain. Sometimes it will be great advice and will work, sometimes it's unsolicited, old school or bizarre. Either way just smile and nod and take it in because you will do what is best for you and your family at that moment in time. There is no point in arguing with someone you don't agree with because it may have been what was best for her at that moment in time. Remember all moms are just trying to be the best that they can be at any given moment.

  • It's hard.
Being a mother is hard. It's exhausting, messy, sometimes physically painful and the rewards are not always immediate. Sometimes it's dark and scary and you will question every move you make. It's an exclusive club and only the strong survive. You need to take time for yourself, really care for yourself. You will feel guilty and selfish but it's necessary. Even if it's just a 5 minute shower and you need to put the baby in a bouncey seat in the bathroom and play peek a boo with the shower curtain you have to take care of yourself. It's so easy to loose yourself in mothering.

  • Your the best mom.
You will do what is best for you and your family at that moment in time. Really. You are the best mom for that baby and that baby is the best baby for you. I believe even when it's at the hardest that God has matched us up in the best possible way. You will learn and grow from your child in ways that you never thought possible. You will be the best mom that they know. You may need help and that's okay, ask for it. The key is that you will do what is best for you and your family at that moment in time. Every moment is a new one, don't allow yourself to dwell on what happened a moment ago, or many moments ago, they are gone and past and you know have a chance at another moment, don't ruin it worrying and fretting what happened in the last.

Now go! Stop reading this and snuggle those babies close, because you will blink your eyes and they will be 5, and it's so much more complicated:

You can thank me later.


This is part of Thank Me Later Thursdays at PBD, and Mama Kat's Writing Workshop. Yep, I'm double dipping, you got a problem with that?

parenting BY dummies Mama's Losin' It


Angie said...

Visiting from Mama Kat's. Great post-- I did the same prompt, and it would seem we have some similar advice. :)

Unknown said...

Great advice. I love that first one - Cut yourself some slack! That's very important.

paige said...

This seems like great advice. I don't have any kids yet, but this is what I keep hearing from wise mommies everywhere. Worth remembering!

Shell said...

Such perfect advice!

The Drama Mama said...

That's great advice too!! These are wonderful.

KLZ said...

Over from Mama Kat's...

I think I'm going to take you up on this and take some time for myself on Mother's Day :)

Happy early Sunday!!

Andrea said...

I LOVE that you're double dipping! Good for you! And great words of wisdom. I did the same prompt! ;)

Hyacynth said...

Nope, I gonna thank you now. That was good advice. And I'm not really a new mom, but those were good reminders even for a mom of two. :) Love that picture of those little ones. Adorable.