Saturday, June 26, 2010

Beauty and the Internal Beast

My brain and my house need a little break after the last two weeks of Creativity Boot Camp. With the closing of the SVMom's Blog's I'm re-posting my Chicago Mom's Blog post's over here. We will resume regularly scheduled ramblings, Words of WisdomFab Find FridayThe Sunday Funnies and the new Bigger Picture Moments and The Sunday Creative next week. (can I get more links in an intro?!?!?!?)

Feeling  beautiful has always been a struggle for me. Always. I have not felt beautiful very often. Even on my wedding day,  with someone else doing my hair and make-up, I could look at myself and find something wrong, something to fix. There is always a little more weight to lose, a little tightening to do, the skin that is not quite clear enough or the hair that is just a little too frizzy. It's something I have struggled with internally, and openly with my friends and husband. I have battled with body image issues since junior high. At least that's when I have very vivid memories of not fitting in with the other girls (all skin, bones, knobby knees, and most importantly no boobs). Even with a super supportive and loving husband who tells me I am gorgeous even when I am in old scrubs and an oversize tee, I still find it hard to feel beautiful and accept the body I have. 

I'm trying to change that. My call to action was becoming a mother to a girl. 
I do not want her to ever, EVER feel like she is not good enough or pretty enough in the skin that God gave her. I make a conscious effort to tell her she is pretty every single day. Do I think that will make her full of herself? No, because even at almost 3 she has had days where she has turned to me and said "no Mommy, I not pretty". As hard as it is for me, I will spend every day for the rest of my life at least pretending to be happy with my body and looks. I try (I will not pretend I am perfect I sometimes slip) to not disparage my body or looks in front of her. I also, and probably more importantly, make a point to eat in front of her. I make sure she sees me eating, real honest to goodness food. Not health shakes and bars, but real food she recognizes. We talk about what's healthy and good fuel for our body and what isn't.  

I will teach her that it is okay to care about yourself and that's it is okay to feel beautiful. When we moved to suburbia I decided that it was time to give up my over priced stylist. I loved the fancy salon and the great cuts she gave me every time. It was worth the money because it made me feel good about myself. However my daughter is getting older. I want her to be able to experience that with me. I want us to have afternoons together where I can teach her it's okay to take care of yourself, to be girly and to feel beautiful. I couldn't afford to do that at my over priced super fancy salon.

But I think it's important.

Not in a fluffy ooh I like to be pampered sort of way.

In a deeper way. She deserves to feel beautiful. So do I. There is nothing frivolous about spending the time and money to take care of ourselves.

So Saturday we are taking the plunge. My hair is a big frizzy mess, it needs a cut BAD. Baby girl has been growing her bangs out, the only thing she has had cut in her life. Saturday morning I am going to bury all the irrational fears I have over going to a new salon and we are both going to go get haircuts. Together. I am going to resist the urge to cut hers all off into a super cute and stylish bob because it would make her Daddy cry, and probably her too (but would be so cute!). We are just going to even it out, trim the ends a bit and blend those bangs in. Me....well I want to do something BIG, something DIFFERENT. Which means I will chicken out when I get there and have her cut long layers. Or maybe not. I just don't know. All I do know is that I want to feel beautiful, and I want my little girl to feel beautiful and that is what the afternoon is about. Feeling beautiful in our skin.

If I can give her that, it will be the biggest gift I could ever give her. 

This post was originally published at Chicago Moms Blog on April 12, 2010
Photo Credit: Hyaycynth


Shell said...

Love this! I think a lot of us feel the same way. You'll have to read Vanessa's post on Much More than Mommy this coming Monday- you'll love it and relate.

Unknown said...

Thanks so much for posting this - my daughter will be 3 this year - but I never even thought about the damage that can be done just by putting myself down in front of her - I will be thinking of this post the next time that I feel bad about this, that or the other!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I can totally understand this. I have always had a problem with body image. My daughter is 6 and I never want her to feel the way I felt as a kid. I try to make a point of telling her all the time how beautiful she is inside and out.

Maude Lynn said...

THIS is beautiful!

Stephanie said...

What a beautiful post! As another mom of a daughter, I too want my daughter to know, without a doubt, that she is beautiful because she was created by the great Creator God and He doesn't make mistakes...something I am still struggling with, but something I was to break free from so I can teach her to love who she is in His eyes too. Thank you so much for sharing!