Thursday, September 30, 2010

There is no Perfect Here {Bigger Picture Moments}

Welcome toBigger Picture Moments, a weekly writing meme where we breathe in the moments that paint a picture of the grander scheme. All moments are welcome in this space -- small or large, as community is just as important as the grander awareness brought on by searching for a bigger picture every week.

Bigger Picture Moment


I am flawed.

What do you see in this picture?


I see...
A very dirty mirror
Tired eyes
Botched haircut
Stained (barely still fits) tee shirt
Frizzy Hair
Missing earrings
Imperfect skin
Dirty clothes on the floor

If I pretend it's not me in t the picture. That this is a photo on someone else's blog, of someone else's life. I see a pretty cute pregnant women whose style I want to copy (where is that cure sweater from?). I don't notice the clothes on the floor. I see someone who I assume has it together because she is not wearing yoga pants and a pony tail. 

Yesterday I read this dad's thoughts on the disease called perfection*. I nodded my head and I cried through it because I know it so well. I have it, pretty bad. 

I am quick to give to other a chance (see example above). Myself though? Never. I go to bed with thoughts so similar to Stephanie's. I wonder how Mrs. Jones** does so much and has a clean house. How all the moms at preschool drop off can be so put together, made up and stylish so early int eh morning. How friends can seem so infinitely calm and peaceful. 

I never stop and think that they feel that way about me. I never remind myself I am seeing a small glimpse of their life. I am being consumed by perfect. 

I want to squash perfect. 

I want to accept me for all I am. 

I am not perfect. I am me. I am good enough and that is great. My kids are happy and healthy. I am sure they don't think for a minute about how messy my house is. They are kids, they are my nature self absorbed. All they worry about is who got more dessert and who will pick tonight bible story. They don't see a tired mom, they see their mom. The mom that makes them meals, drives them everywhere that picks them up and hugs and kisses them. Yes they see a mom that is sometimes to short and sometimes to loud. I truly think they get that, sometimes they are too loud, sometimes they can't control their feelings. 

I may feel unattractive and unput together, but my husband will tell me over and over again how beautiful I am. I am loved and cared for whether I feel I deserve it or not. 

This is me. 


I don't know what I'm doing. 
I don't do everything well, perfect.
I have not showered today.
 I am currently hiding from my children because I cannot answer one more question. 
I am avoiding my husband because I have no desire to help or contribute to one more meal for anyone, including myself. 
I am tired. 
I am overwhelmed. 
I am imperfect. 

*I don't link to this for me, it's for you. If you haven't read this, go, now. If you only have 5minutes to read one thing today, read this. Seriously, don't even bother finishing my thoughts, go read his, now, I'll still be here when your done. 

**To the Mrs. Jones I know IRL, this is not you, although I feel you are totally more put together than me, this is the metaphorical "Jones'" that we all need to keep up with. 

Please link up your own Bigger Picture Moment below. Please be sure to link up to the actual post and not your blog and link back to us.

Don't forget, Write Pink! Starts tomorrow, I hope you'll join us!


Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

I also see someone who looks like she's a lot of fun. :)
And no, I don't notice the clothes on the floor...even after you point them out.

Cristina said...

the post you shared? sooo powerful, wow, thank you.

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

I loved that post on perfection. Actually, it inspired my post for tomorrow.

All I see is a mom, perfectly imperfect. Just like the rest of us.

Emily said...

I keep looking for the clothes on the floor. Where are they? And that IS a cute sweater. Your picture totally says "pregnant and put together" to me!

But I think I like you best at your most imperfect.

Corinne Cunningham said...

Have you heard about the Perfect Protest that's going on? It's good stuff :)

Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

I hope this feels so good to write and release. I think what a RELIEF we can admit that we don't know what we're doing, because I feel like the script we've been handed is "pretend you have it all together so know one else will know/ end scene" and I just can not live like that.


Melissa Haak said...

So I just wrote this in an email to a a commenter/friend and thought I would share here too, a little more of the "perfect" story:

I lived my first 3 yrs as a parent in an urban area. I don't know if it was because it was urban, or because it tended to artistic brainy (college town) types, or if it was simply because the majority of the parents in my circles were older so they were more established and had the confidence (or means to buy it) in themselves and their choices but I really didn't feel this weight of perfection so strongly in the city. At least in my suburbs its feel like there is not one real honest woman around everyone walks around like they are playing a set part... some days its makes me so tired I honestly don't want to leave my very messy house.

Anonymous said...

I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, because I don't always try to make everything I do in my life perfect. However, I can relate to expecting a lot from myself to the point that if I make a mistake I start to harbor bad emotions, feelings, and opinions about who I am as a person. I'm trying to stop this habit, because I know it's harmful. Hopefully, we can all learn how to just love ourselves for who we are and know that we were created a certain way by God and should expect to make mistakes. Since, you know, we're only human...

Stopping by from SITS.

Hyacynth said...

Melissa, I know this, too. I'm just now after years and years starting to feel good in my own imperfect skin.
There will always be something I'll want to change about myself -- I'll want to be skinnier or have straighter teeth or whatever, but I'm done trying to make the mold fit me, when I'm a mold of my own.
Beautiful thoughts. And I think you look as beautiful as you are on the inside.
{Ironically, we wrote about similiar bigger pictures today. :)}

suzannah | the smitten word said...

to hell with perfection!

to the beautiful mosaic of broken pieces. to grace and authenticity and giving ourselves permission to just BE.

(and you are a super-cute pregnant mama! xo)

Melissa said...

I got so sick of perfectionism this year, and I've written about it quite a bit! It has felt so freeing to give it up, I still find myself sucked back into it, but now I know what it looks like in my life and I can tackle it right away. :)

Stepping On Cheerios said...

Great post! I'm too overwhelmed to participate, it's all I could do to get a post up this week:) Thanks for the post, I needed to hear those words.

Unknown said...

Perfectly put as always girl! We can only do so much, be who we really are-- the rest, there's just no room for.

Rachel said...

I love this post. I'm hanging around fashion-conscious co-workers and I have to repeatedly tell them that I'm beautiful the way I am. I'm sure I could be more fashionable. But either way, I'm beautiful.

Shell said...

You're so right- we are so much harder on ourselves than on anyone else. We are our worst critics.

Thanks for the link to this!