I am flawed.
What do you see in this picture?
A very dirty mirror
Stained (barely still fits) tee shirt
Dirty clothes on the floor
If I pretend it's not me in t the picture. That this is a photo on someone else's blog, of someone else's life. I see a pretty cute pregnant women whose style I want to copy (where is that cure sweater from?). I don't notice the clothes on the floor. I see someone who I assume has it together because she is not wearing yoga pants and a pony tail.
Yesterday I read this dad's thoughts on the disease called perfection*. I nodded my head and I cried through it because I know it so well. I have it, pretty bad.
I am quick to give to other a chance (see example above). Myself though? Never. I go to bed with thoughts so similar to Stephanie's. I wonder how Mrs. Jones** does so much and has a clean house. How all the moms at preschool drop off can be so put together, made up and stylish so early int eh morning. How friends can seem so infinitely calm and peaceful.
I never stop and think that they feel that way about me. I never remind myself I am seeing a small glimpse of their life. I am being consumed by perfect.
I want to squash perfect.
I want to accept me for all I am.
I am not perfect. I am me. I am good enough and that is great. My kids are happy and healthy. I am sure they don't think for a minute about how messy my house is. They are kids, they are my nature self absorbed. All they worry about is who got more dessert and who will pick tonight bible story. They don't see a tired mom, they see their mom. The mom that makes them meals, drives them everywhere that picks them up and hugs and kisses them. Yes they see a mom that is sometimes to short and sometimes to loud. I truly think they get that, sometimes they are too loud, sometimes they can't control their feelings.
I may feel unattractive and unput together, but my husband will tell me over and over again how beautiful I am. I am loved and cared for whether I feel I deserve it or not.
This is me.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't do everything well, perfect.
I have not showered today.
I am currently hiding from my children because I cannot answer one more question.
I am avoiding my husband because I have no desire to help or contribute to one more meal for anyone, including myself.
I am tired.
I am overwhelmed.
I am imperfect.
*I don't link to this for me, it's for you. If you haven't read this, go, now. If you only have 5minutes to read one thing today, read this. Seriously, don't even bother finishing my thoughts, go read his, now, I'll still be here when your done.
**To the Mrs. Jones I know IRL, this is not you, although I feel you are totally more put together than me, this is the metaphorical "Jones'" that we all need to keep up with.
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