Monday, November 15, 2010

How to Behave When Your Child Meets a Celebrity

Stars on hollywood Boulevard
{ Photo credit }
I had an opportunity to take my daughter to a celebrity event. She was going to get up close and personal with a major celebrity*. I was excited, she was excited so after getting our outfits and accessories together we piled into our minivan and we made the trek to the land of Mercedes and BMW. At least my minivan is of the same German blood!

We learned quiet a bit at our first celebrity encounter, so in an effort to make things easier on you I give you my list of how to behave when your child meets a celebrity:

  1. Make sure you arrive early to pick out the best spot and be sure to spread out your belongs and your body so that no one blocks your view or makes you uncomfortable.
  2. Dress for the occasion. Make sure you have spent the morning at the salon and have perfect hair and makeup and that your little one is dressed in an appropriate costume to gather a response.
  3. Make sure you bring your biggest designer purse. It should be large enough to knock over a small child and to secure the perimeters of your personal space.
  4. If pregnant, you want to be chic, but be sure to accentuate your belly as much as possible so you look as big as possible. This will help get you a seat and get you to the front of the line. Start fanning yourself or looking weak if you are waiting to long so people will think you are going into labor.
  5. While the event coordinator is explaining how the meet and greet portion of the event will go be sure to shout over all the children and him about how you are supposed to have special access and special items reserved for you. When he doesn’t know what you are talking about and tells you to get in line with everyone else, stand up and speak louder and more adamantly until someone pulls you aside.
  6. When finding a seat for your child do not take into consideration your child's age or temperament. All that matter is that they are as close as possible to the celebrity. Step over people and plop your child in front, or push your child through the crowd to a 2 inch wide spot and than disappear in to the crowd. When your child starts crying and becomes disruptive, just stifle a giggle while glaring at them and encourage them to sit down. When the celebrity hugs them and asks where their mother is, stand up and beam like you just won an Oscar and retrieve your child from the front.
  7. When the meet and greet portion starts and you are told to form a line pretend you never took geometry and don’t know what a straight line is. Hold your purse low at your elbow, small child height, and be sure to turn back and forth several times inquiring where the line is “here? over here? Am I in line here?” All of this should be done with forward motion. Don’t worry about your kids whereabouts you will find them when you get up to the celebrity.
  8. If the above does not work to get you in one of the first spots in line, start pushing your child in front of you, and through people. Step completely out of line and let your child walk right up to the table and act like you had no idea how she got there.
  9. When you finally make it to the celebrity do not hesitate to take your time and shoot angry looks at anyone who tries to rush you. You must position the kids just right for the picture to make sure it will look good in the social pages of the preschool times.
  10. Whatever happens be sure to leave in a huff with your head high dragging your tired overwhelmed child behind. Make sure everyone hears you muttering about the lack of order, room, space or the snottiness of the staff, celebrity, other mothers etc.

* Our Celebrity was Jane O'Connor, the author of Fancy Nancy. She was a hoot! She dressed up with a tiara and boas and was great with the kids, she read from her new book and was polite and patiently signed every one's books with a smile and commentary on outfits. The parents on the other hand, well lets just say most of the children, including my tired, hot, hungry, knocked over twice 3yo, were more well behaved.


Nicoolmama said...

Some people!

The sad thing is, I believe every word.

Shell said...

Those parents are out of control!

Hyacynth said...

Ahh. yes. Likely why my children never will meet a celebrity on purpose ... or why they'll go with my good friend MElissa and her kids since they are going anyway ... ;D.

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

That is hilarious, and also sad, since it happen in real life, and not in a movie.

Venassa said...

That's pretty sad, but I believe it.

Just A Normal Mom said...

Ugh. Sad how some people will act. But I hope your daughter enjoyed meeting her!

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

No way, Fancy Nancy author?! SO cool! Loved your tips! I use the "belly sympathy" any chance I get, haha!

Michelle said...

Ahh, those must be the same parents that curse at my child when she plays soccer against their kids.