Thursday, December 2, 2010

Finding Light {Bigger Picture Moments}

Welcome to Bigger Picture Moments, a weekly writing meme where we breathe in the moments that paint a picture of the grander scheme. All moments are welcome in this space -- small or large, as community is just as important as the grander awareness brought on by searching for a bigger picture every week.

Please head over to Hyacynth's to share you moment in words or photos, big or small, and be inspired by others. 


‘Tis the season to be filled with wonder and light. I however have found that sometimes finding and focusing on that light becomes harder and harder as we go through the everyday motions of the holidays.


I can feel it happen, right before Halloween. Than November comes, the clocks change and (at least in the Midwest) it’s like someone turned out the lights. It’s instantly grey, overcast, dark. The sun peeks out for only a few minutes here and there. Too cold to stay out it pulls back the gray cover of clouds and goes back to it’s slumbering ways. The pressure of “tradition” and the expectations of family combined with all the -isims* and gifts has me retreating like the sun into a dark and jaded place.

I felt it happening this year. It’s only December 2 and already I was getting really, really crabby about all that had to be done. Two schools, two performances, two parties, two giving trees, Christmas cards (oh I need photos!), decorations (mommy when is the tree going up?), baking, sewing, the I want! I want! I want! At every event invite, request for something, at every email with Christmas or gift in the title I could feel myself start to retreat further under my blanket of gray clouds.


I looked in the mirror yesterday morning when I was getting ready to leave and I could see it. The darkness of winter creeping into my hair, my skin, my eyes, and deeper still into my soul. I knew I had to force my way out or this was going to be a long hard winter.

I was helped, as usual, from above. Our first snow. It’s hard not to automatically brighten up at the first snow. Light, fluffy crystals of light. They brightened my day as I got to experience the joy of my children in seeing them. After a busy morning of classes we ventured out to “play” in the snow.


I was reminded how children treat the past, as the past, completely unrelated to the now. what happened last year? Last week? History. My daughter is 3. She has seen, played in, plenty of snow. Yet this little scattering of snow, not even enough to do more than melt when she picked it up, was brand new and exciting.

The light was getting brighter.


I sat down and thought, really thought about all the upcoming engagements and events, wants, desires, needs. I reread Maegan's thoughts to remind myself what I want to get out of the holiday season. I went to bed and I cried. Sometimes the cover of clouds need to shed some of their weight before they can be pulled back and let the sun shine.

I’m looking at the sun today.


I looking forward to the brightness of the lights that will go up this weekend. I am looking at my list of “to dos” and ruthlessly cutting those things that bring the clouds. I can’t be everything to everyone. I can only be me. I don’t know why I need to remind myself every year, but I do. It’s not about what the collective "they" want me to do. It’s about me, my family, our faith, our beliefs and what we want to do to celebrate them.

It’s about finding the light.

His light.

The glow of the lights, the light in the snow, the light in a child's face.

I’m going to keep focus on those lights and turn off the other ones that are distracting and blinding me and pushing me back under my gray blanket.

Have you see the light in your life this week? Please share with us and link up over at Hyacynth's

*commercialism, materialism, etc. admittedly stolen from either Allison or Heather when they were talking about their Epic Gifts of Life going on now (click those links above to see)


suzannah | the smitten word said...

absolutely. grace and peace to you, this advent, my sister and fellow pilgrim in the Light:)

"In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." -john 1:4-5

Hyacynth said...

Ah, yes. We seem to be doing that unintended brain sharing thing again.

Seek out that light, friend.

We were made to crave it.

Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

I love your photos! And this post.


Kate Pantier @ Mommy Monologues said...

Absolutely Beautiful!

I'm sending the link to family and friends-such a great reminder!