This was very hard to write without repeatedly going back and deleting, censoring my words. So here goes nothing....
When I look in the mirror
I see a shadow.
The shadow of my happy self, the shadow of my put together self (having a hard time not deleting right now).
I’m tired, and frustrated. Frustrated with the mess, the drama, the things I need and want to do.
I see a mom who is weeks, months, away from getting back to the order and routine that was so comforting to everyone in the house. Yet at every turn someone says Your supermom (I hate that word) you look great, it’s amazing, you're out!
I have to be. If I’m not out I will wallow, wallow in the definite lack of super. The extra yelling, the extra TV.
I see the shadows of the never ending Chicago winter, the shadows of nightmares creeping in, the shadows of unmet expectations. I want to shine a light on them all.
Force them to disappear into the brightness of the light of spring.
For right now I will just look in mirror and focus on the ever present joy of having the second chance for sleepless nights.No matter if the shadows creep in, or stay on the edge, I will relish in that joy of second chances.
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