Monday, March 21, 2011
Keeping it Real
Those toes, so small, so soft, so amazing.
Today I'm going to just keep it real, like Lenae.
My heart is so full, overflowing, and bursting. I can't believe we have been blessed with this amazing little girl.
It's also really hard.
I feel like we aren't giving the big kids what they need. What they need is attention. ATTENTION.
Not just distracted, zoned out "how was school" while we mindlessly eat dinner. Not reminding them again, and again, and again, please don't touch the baby while she is sleeping.
No they need some honest, one on one, cuddle up read a book, play a game attention.
Which I know will come, in time.
Right now it just feels like we are running and running and running and not really getting anywhere.
It's sleepless nights.
It's rushing, always late, to one big kid activity and another.
It's get home and hurry up make something to eat.
Hurry, hurry, bath, bed, go! go! Go!
I know we will get there, find our footing, it will just take time.
I just hope when we find the time we won't find that we lost too much time.
It was a rough weekend. We had some issues with sleep from all three kids. When baby Bean sleeps she sleeps great. When she misses her window and becomes even the slightest bit over tired...well it's an exhausting circle that leaves both her and me in tears.
So I spent the last 48 hours nursing, rocking, putting down, crying, changing, nursing, putting down, giving up, wearing, trying to type while bouncing, nursing, rocking putting down, hurrying to feed someone, clean something, take care of something, crying, changing, nursing, repeat.
But today is a new day.
It's my Birthday (not that it feels like it, or matter much at this age). My husband got up at 3 with the fussy baby so I could get 2 straight hours of sleep. I am up before the kids and have typed 2 blog posts, packaged up 3 things to mail, drank half a cup of coffee, packed lunch (hubs made the sandwich) and ate breakfast.
We're getting their.
The move to our new normal.
Soon, very soon, we won't even remember how hard these first days were. Right?