Monday, March 21, 2011

Keeping it Real

Oh Friends.

Those toes, so small, so soft, so amazing.

So tiring.

Today I'm going to just keep it real, like Lenae.

My heart is so full, overflowing, and bursting. I can't believe we have been blessed with this amazing little girl.

It's also really hard.

I feel like we aren't giving the big kids what they need. What they need is attention. ATTENTION.

Not just distracted, zoned out "how was school" while we mindlessly eat dinner. Not reminding them again, and again, and again, please don't touch the baby while she is sleeping.

No they need some honest, one on one, cuddle up read a book, play a game attention.

Which I know will come, in time.

Right now it just feels like we are running and running and running and not really getting anywhere.

It's sleepless nights.

It's rushing, always late, to one big kid activity and another.

It's get home and hurry up make something to eat.

Hurry, hurry, bath, bed, go! go! Go!

I know we will get there, find our footing, it will just take time.

I just hope when we find the time we won't find that we lost too much time.

It was a rough weekend. We had some issues with sleep from all three kids. When baby Bean sleeps she sleeps great. When she misses her window and becomes even the slightest bit over tired...well it's an exhausting circle that leaves both her and me in tears.

So I spent the last 48 hours nursing, rocking, putting down, crying, changing, nursing, putting down, giving up, wearing, trying to type while bouncing, nursing, rocking putting down, hurrying to feed someone, clean something, take care of something, crying, changing, nursing, repeat.

I'm tired.

But today is a new day.

It's my Birthday (not that it feels like it, or matter much at this age). My husband got up at 3 with the fussy baby so I could get 2 straight hours of sleep. I am up before the kids and have typed 2 blog posts, packaged up 3 things to mail, drank half a cup of coffee, packed lunch (hubs made the sandwich) and ate breakfast.

We're getting their.

The move to our new normal.

Soon, very soon, we won't even remember how hard these first days were. Right?


Galit Breen said...

Yes! That is exactly right! Breathe deep, more coffee. And most importantly: Your birthday DOES matter!!

McKenna said...

Happy Birthday! This post brings back such memories. When we brought home my youngest I felt overjoyed, and guilty and exhausted every day. He is almost two now and I barely remember those days although I do appreciate sleep so much more than I used to.

Lenae said...

Oh, you know that I am so there with you. I've told several friends that immediately after new babies arrive, I feel like my husband and I are re-drawing the map for our family: figuring out how to make old routines work, creating new ones, and trying not to forget to love the heck out of everyone in the process. It's rough -- but we have the benefit of knowing, from experience, that we will indeed get there.

Praying for you and toasting you virtually over my own cup of coffee :)

Lenae said...

And... proof that I'm on the Sleep-Deprived Team myself: I totally forgot to say Happy Birthday :( Happy Birthday!!!!

butterflymom said...

this post has me in tears....our little guy is 9 weeks old, has been very fussy/high needs since day 1 and with 3 older sisters (2, 7, and 14) it just feels like we are never going too get there. but i know we will. it's just so much harder than i thought it would be!

Brooke said...

Happy Birthday! And HANG in there. It does seem like those first months drag on forever. Sniff. I remember feeling like I lived in our rocking chair with a baby on my boob.

Erin said...

Happy Birthday!! And yes, you will never remember *exactly* how hard these days are. Just that they were hard. Keep your chin up!

swonderful said...

happy birthday! this will all someday be a hazy "wow that was hard" memory, i promise. happy happy birthday. it does matter. you are special. no matter how old you are or how many people depend on you to take care of THEIR day. this one is yours. xo

Hyacynth said...

Yes. There will be a new normal. Everyone says so, at least.
This is such a beautiful post about the reality of growing a family. Yes, there are beautiful baby smiles and toes, but there is also adjustment. And that needs to be written about, acknowledged, too.

Lucy The Valiant said...

Happy birthday! I love this post and I have BEEN THERE! A few days after my second was born I could be found hiding in the bathroom and crying "This was a bad idea!" Which of course, it wasn't and I knew that. But it can be so overwhelming to readjust your family!

Unknown said...

Happy Birthday <-- pretty sure I said that on twitter. :) I loved this post...this time is so wonderful, beautiful, and tiring. I hope that you are all able to get what you need in the weeks to come. :) Have a great week!

suzannah | the smitten word said...

oh, those first three months are so very hard. but then at three months it's like a like goes on. it will get easier. the weather is already getting warmer. the older one are learning that everything is not about them--which is an important lesson that we all need!

hope you found some rest and time for you on your birthday...and today too:)

Anonymous said...

Saw through tweets that you are going to Relevant so I stopped bty to say hi. You will get there with three. My now six month old daughter now sleeps and we have somewhat of a routine.

Shell said...

Happy belated Birthday!

Hang in there- it's hard to adjust to 3, but you'll get it!

Nicoolmama said...

Happy Birthday!!! (late obviously)

and may I say that the third child in our home knocked me flat on my ass until, about, now. (he's 19 months)

also? sleep? best gift ever. your husband rocks!