She lays next to me babbling, cooing, testing out these new sounds her lips are forming.
I wonder what’s she’s thinking? Does she know she’s loved?
I wonder what they all think.
Do they know how my heart swells and breaks for them. Do they know how much I agonize over every decision in regards to them.
I wonder if they know that when I snap it’s not their fault. I'm tired, hungry, fill in the blank...
I wonder if I have ruined them in my moments of darkness.
Wonder if I am dong right by them now.
I wonder and I wonder. I like awake at night and I wonder, do they know how much I love them. Have I showed them enough. Have I ruined them with my illness have I changed their lives forever.
I wonder who they will become, these little people in my care. Will they be great thinkers and leaders. Will they create and thrive. Will they struggle and suffer.
This parenthood thing leaves a lot to wonder and ponder.
Many decisions to be made and not many answers to be had. Much like faith I walk blindly wondering and praying that I am doing right.
Because on a day like today, even 5 minutes is a gift.
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