I am defined by my loss.
The time before the loss, the time after the loss. Who I was before, and who I am now.
Loss is dark, and lonely and spreads like an oil slick into the crevices and creases of the rocks of your life that you didn’t were there. It get's cleaned up and put away only to be found as one more little blob of oil, found in an unsuspecting place, where you didn’t think it could reach.
Your husbands sock drawer, your new babies eyes, the arms of your oldest child.
It ebbs and flows but never disappears, you will always find one more wayward blob where you don't expect it.
Bu it also changes. The sun shines on the slick and makes rainbow.
Loss has taught me strength, hope, love, and faith. That black oil slick has shown me countless rainbows, and I am grateful for the little blobs that I find sticking here and there reminding not just of the darkness, but also the rainbow shining through.