Thursday, October 20, 2011

I’m so Vain (and it’s okay) {Bigger Picture Moments}


I’m so vain....I bet I think this post is about me, about me....
Sorry like my roomie I break into random bad songs, your welcome for that ear worm.

I have been in a bit of a funk.

I’m tired, stressed, feeling blah. I was sick, the weather has been dreary. I haven’t been taking time to exercise or sleep right and it was all weighing on me. We had family pictures on Friday and while many came out good it was kind of the straw that broke the camels back, the drop that opened the flood gate, whatever cliche you want to use.


I was unfit, old, dull, haggish....fill in any number of negative comments. I am, have always been, my harshest critic. This has lead to a internal struggle that has lead to a martial struggle.

The me in those images?

That is not who I see in the mirror.

It is not who my husband sees.

It is not who my children see.

I know this (in my heart) and I shoulsn’t let it affect me but it does. It brings me down. When I look in the mirror I still feel like I look like a funky young mom....not the almost 35 old mom with bad hair and wrinkles from the pictures. Not the one sporting the luggage under her eyes and the gray at the temples.

But when is self love and confidence not enough (or healthy?)

I spend all day caring for others, doing for others, being for others. Others who clearly said “it doesn’t matter” what I look like and “nobody cares but you”

You know what though, that YOU is enough.

I frequently tell people to take time for themselves. Don’t forgot their passion, their loves, their time. While I sit in a pit of self loathing, tired, unfit with really bad roots.

So I fixed it.

New hair, Thrifted new top

New Glasses too!
The image in the photos? More in line with how I feel about me. My husband may think that giving up our cleaning lady this month was not worth it for a little “hair care” but to me. It was totally worth it.

I spend yesterday a little bummed. Upset that he wasn’t more forthcoming with his compliments. I wanted to walk into the house and hear WOW! Great! But you know what...that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that looking in the mirror this morning, I thought, WOW! Great! and sometimes how I feel myself is way more important than how other feel about me.

still loving it this mroning




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9 comments:

May said...

I LOVE the hair. It looks healthy and young. Gorgeous.

And, oh, how I relate to your feelings. I hate photos as they confirm my worst fears.

Good for you for taking action!

alita jewel said...

Work it, mama...

Also- you have a cleaning woman?! I NEEEEED one of those. (and I'm looking into it for after the surgery)

By the way- I am over due for some self love, too. This may be my inspiration. xo!

Robin said...

I thought WOW GREAT! when I saw you....you look fabulous. Love the bangs and wavy hair. So glad you found time to take care of you. :)

Lindy said...

My cleaning lady is terrible. That's what I tell my friends that actually have one. I'm terrible at it!:) I struggle with wanting compliments when I just really need to compliment myself.

PS I love bangs!:)

Ginny Marie said...

I LOVE your new glasses! They are just like the frames I would like to get...bold!

I also call my husband at work when I have my hair done to tell him I had my hair done...so he can pretend to notice when he walks in the door. :)

togetherforgood said...

I think you look so young! Seriously. Jealous. I decided a couple months ago to let my hair go gray. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to stick with it. I'm 32 and I have a LOT of gray.

Anyway, good post. Sometimes what you need is just a little time for yourself. A few dollars spent on your hair and clothes can leave you feeling like a new woman. And that's good. :)

Lucy The Valiant said...

Your hair looks GREAT!

And yes, how YOU feel about yourself is what matters!

Polish Mama on the Prairie said...

I agree. My mother always told me there isn't anything that can't handled, not always fixed but at least handled, with a shower, clean nice outfit on and some lipstick. It's my armor in life. You look great. 35 is not old yet. ;)

Funky Mama Bird said...

So cute! Love the glasses.

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