Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Thirty Five

Today is my birthday, I turned thirty-five. 35.

I’m going to be honest, this birthday, it hurts a little.

Normally I’m all whatever! it’s a birthday, another year, no biggie! Everyone does it. This year though, this year feels different. Harder. More painful and not just because of two horrible nights sleep.

It feels old.

As I groggily shuffled into the kitchen this morning, rubbing my eyes my husband says “Happy Birthday!” I look up through half open eye lids and and give a half smile “you just feel old huh” he says hugging me.

That's it and it’s not.

See for the most part I don’t *feel* 35.

But also, I really *feel* 35. Or rather, 55 as my daughter keeps telling everyone I am (she has trouble with her TH sounds)

See it’s complicated.

On any given day going through the motions of life with top40’s pop or rap blaring from my super cool minivan I feel like the cool young mom.

Then I look in the mirror and I see an old mom staring back.


Gray hairs.

Bags.

Wrinkles.

The extra weight.

I realize I am closer to 40 then 20.

I remember my mom turning 40. It seemed so old from the vantage point of youth. Now as I stand her staring it down, it doesn’t seem that old.

What does it matter anyway? I love my life who cares?

I don’t know why today I care, but today I do.

Tomorrow I won’t remember I’m old, until I look in the mirror. But today, today it stares me in the face every time I log on to facebook,  I am old .

But I’m not.

It’s just another day, but it’s not.

I straddle youth and age and I remember, you’re only as long as you feel, and I feel like a nap, so I will have one.

Happy beautiful (seriously it’s in the 80’s, it usually snows) birthday to me.

Linking up with Heather and Shell, not because it's my birthday, but because really this has been on my mind for while, so I decided to Just Write my Heart Out.


13 comments:

The Harried Mom said...

I totally sympathize, this year I'll turn 40...I can hardly believe it. I've decided that I will celebrate my birth day from now one going forward, but not the age, because once you're over 21 and until you turn 65, does it really matter anymore? Happy birthday day!

Amber Page Writes said...

Oh, I know how you feel. I do. I turned 36 this year, and had the same reaction. But hey, it's just a number. And lady? You are gorgeous. Ten years from now, we'll be wishing for our 35 (okay 36) year old bodies again.

Elaine A. said...

I hear you, I will be 37 on Monday. Pushing 40 freaks me out a bit but like you said, most of the time I don't "feel" that age so...

And I don't really remember my Mom turning 40. I was only 4. ;-)

Happy beautiful Birthday to you!!

Kari at A Grace Full Life said...

I will be 42 next month and speaking from the other side of forty I can tell you this...it gets better. It totally does. I feel like I have more energy, I look better, I weigh a lot less...all those great things. Why? Because my kids are getting older and I am less stressed out bc of it. Trust me, it gets better. So go eat some cake, sit outside cuz its almost 90 here in Chicago and know that in six years or so....its all good. :)

Kari at A Grace Full Life said...

I will be 42 next month and speaking from the other side of forty I can tell you this...it gets better. It totally does. I feel like I have more energy, I look better, I weigh a lot less...all those great things. Why? Because my kids are getting older and I am less stressed out bc of it. Trust me, it gets better. So go eat some cake, sit outside cuz its almost 90 here in Chicago and know that in six years or so....its all good. :)

Brook Redhead Reverie said...

First of all we never say old we say vintage...it's gives you a classic-type of image. And...if you are old then I must be ancient.

I understand what you are saying, but I have come to conclusion that it's all a state of mind and a number is a number is a number...it's kind of like that number on the scale. Just ignore it and live the best life you can.

Oh, and if all else fails watch some Jersey Shore {that will make you feel glad that you are vintage}

HAVE A FABULOUS DAY, and I'm so very glad to have you as a friend no matter how old you are.

Paula @ Simply Sandwich said...

Stopping over from Shell's and wishing you a Happy Birthday! I know how you feel - some birthdays feel great and other ones...not so much! Hang in there Mama - things do get better with age! :)

Newme21 said...

Happy Birthday!

And you're not old, you're just a baby. LOL!

Robbie K said...

Happy birthday! I know what you mean about not feeling your age one minute and then feeling old the next. Of course i have more than a decade on you so to me you're a young 'in!

Shell said...

I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

I will be 35 this summer. I still feel so young- but then I think about it and realize how old I used to think this was. SIGH. It's not.

We still rock, girl.

Corrina said...

I'm turning 35 in 3 months and I'm not so thrilled about it either. I didn't like turning 25 too, which now I find hilarious because 25?! I had only been married a year and didn't have kids which meant I slept through the night every night and slept in on Saturdays and took Sunday afternoon naps.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I just turned 35 this year. I feel exactly as you do. But still, happy birthday week! I do have to say I look in the mirror and I don't appreciate what I see as much as I should HOWEVER, I love the wisdom I now have that I lacked back when I was younger.

Steph

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Yep. I turn 36 in a few weeks. I still haven't updated my blog status from 34, though. Oops. So I get to age 2 years at once. Brilliant planning there, eh?

I think it's interesting to realize that EVERYone feels younger than they are. 30, 40, 50, 60, etc. Nobody "feels" their age. Which makes me look at my parents in a whole new light, you know?

Happy Birthday, though. It takes a few days to adjust to a new number, and that's ok. It's authentic. As long as we don't dwell on it, we're healthy.

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