I feel like I am failing, we as a family are failing. May (the month) is failing.
We came barreling into the month out of the shotgun of busy. Birthdays, and parties, and so much celebrating.. There was weddings and shows and misery and heartache and it all came to a crashing halt. Suddenly we weren’t busy the calendar was empty but our life was disaster.
The busy it threw us off.
The loss, through me off. I didn’t really have time to let it all sink in until it well over and I sat in the finally quiet of the non busy house and I wept. I had no word I have no words. I have piles. Piles of dishes, of laundry, of school projects, more coming home everyday.
Instead of dealing with them I retreated. My body continued to fail me this time with illness. Six days now and I am just starting to find words, lift my head, assess the damage.
I don’t know where to go from here. I look up and I count the days. 8 more days of school, a few more celebrations and then retreat. Retreat to the lake, and family and hopefully peace. Peace and quiet to process and understand, find hope and move forward.