Thursday, August 9, 2012

Beyond Nourishment {Bigger Picture Moments #WBW2012}

I think I miss it the most in the morning. Mornings are loud and hectic. Little people to dress, feed, and get here, there and everywhere. Those few stolen moments of peace and quiet in the morning were priceless. Allowing me to reset frustration and focus on what’s important for the day.

I was pretty much ready to be done, especially at night, and I feel good about what we did, mostly. Sometimes she has a bad night. A night where she is not feeling 100% and she is over tired and a crying mess. I miss it then too. It was always the magic bullet that could defuse the fiery angry bomb of a baby and usher her into sweet sleep.

Looking back it’s a little hard to believe this is where I am at now. You see I had no desire to breastfeed. No deep burning longing to do it.. In fact, if I am being truthful I was a little skeeved out by the whole thing, I thought it was a little gross.

When I was pregnant with my first I only knew two people who even had children and one was not interested in breastfeeding as she was the one that went to work while dad stayed home. My only experience with breastfeeding before having my own child was a friend who did it once when she was visiting me with her new baby. I remember her pulling out this contraption that she snapped around her waist for the baby to lay on and her talking about how she actually walks around her house wearing this and feeding him. It seemed medieval and complicated. I told my husband (who was very pro-breastfeeding) I would do it for 6 weeks so the baby would get all the good stuff, then I was done.

I have now breastfeed for about 140 weeks (35 months) and exclusively pumped for 8 more. I have become a passionate advocate for breastfeeding and more importantly for giving mothers the support they need to breastfeed instead of undermining it. It’s not easy, it’s an art not science. It has left me in tears, in pain, exhausted and frustrated. It has also bonded me to my children when I was struggling. It did more than nourish my child it nourished me. Teaching me to slow down and focus on the moment, take the time to stare into this child's eyes and connect with them.

So while I don’t really miss the exhaustion and the work that goes into breastfeeding. I do miss that connection. That moment when time is stopped and it’s just me and my child and nothing else matters. I try to recapture it in cuddles and hugs here and there. Knowing that the lesson learned is a lifelong one that has benefited me and my child beyond the nourishment given.

Simply realizing all we gained, that's my Simple Moment, Bigger Picture this week. What's Yours

Harness the moment. Write it down, share a picture, a poem or prose. However YOU need to process and remember the moment. All moments big and small.

Link up yours at Corinne'sthis week.

Try to visit the other participants and encourage each other in this journey we call life.

{Last week was World Breastfeeding Week   and I really wanted to share this, just another part of my story in celebration. I am, as usual, late. If you need information, help or advice on breastfeeding please visit KellyMom or Best for Babes Foundation}


May said...

I loved breast feeding. The thought that I could provide all that my baby needed was empowering. And the closeness...oh, the closeness.

IASoupMama said...

I have fed my babies every way possible, but my most favorite was definitely breastfeeding. By far. Pumping was miserable and formula made me feel guilty, but breastfeding was perfect!

Corinne Cunningham said...

I miss it so much... of all things baby related, it's nursing that really makes my ovaries jump up in the air and say "WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT AGAIN???" :)
This was lovely...

Lisa said...

I had the exact same sentiments about nursing my first. I did it because I felt pressured by the notion that it's what "good mothers" do. Several complications fueled my desire to quit all the more, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I stuck with it, and it ended up being the most amazing experience of my life. Now my second child is on the way, and I have no doubt that I will do it all again, pushing through any challenges toward the beautiful journey that awaits.

Hyacynth said...

I miss it, too. Because now? I rarely take time to just stop and snuggle, but just because they've both weaned doesn't mean they don't need that, I know. Doesn't mean *I* don't need that.

Unknown said...

That connection is the best part...unfortunately I wasn't able to breastfeed but I tried to find those precious moments alone together. And now that he's running all the time it's even more difficult to capture snuggles, because like you said we need them just as much as they do. :-)