She wiggles and shifts, head up, head down, trying to find a spot.
She’s grown so big, spilling out of my arms with legs hanging down my side. I’ve grown too with a swelling belly that’s eating up the space in my lap and making it hard for her to find a spot.
We’re all doing this shuffle and adjust and shuffle some more as we try to prepare our house and hearts. Get back to the routine we know after the holidays, knowing it’s only temporary.
I try to prepare try to stay positive and focus on the good. The little kicks, the growing belly. But as those moments between kicks pres son over time, or as the day gets long and the aches set in the fear creeps back in.
It’s a tough to be over-educated in the terms of what-ifs. Years of hospital work and volunteering have left little to my imagination my fears are not made up I have seem them with my eyes, sometimes lived them in my life. My worry goes beyond my previous experience and into all the horrors I have seen or read.
Than a dish is dropped, a child yells at another, the cat meows and I am instantly brought back into the reality of chaos and life. A lie brimming with life so much that it tumbles out in all directions and I know it will be hard but it will be right and in the end we will all be okay.