His head seems so big. Round, perfect, with kissable cheeks. His relaxed and sleeping face holds so much. He looks like all of them (his siblings, his dad) and none of them at the same time. He is the same and different but clearly connected to us, a family history told in a face of a child.
Now he is one and baby no more. With one step he went from baby to boy.
I can hear him coming now. His wobbly uneven gait. He gets so mad when he can’t keep up, can’t run like the big kids do.Don’t worry buddy it won’t be long.
It won’t be long.
I watch his soften faced as he sleeps on my shoulder and the world fades away. These days are numbered and that number is shrinking quickly. Soon he will be chasing and running with all the others. He won’t want to cuddle with mama and sleep on her shoulder. A chapter will be finished.
So I watch him and I try not to cry. I know how to do babies. When kisses and cuddles make it all better. What if I’m no good at the big stuff that comes with bigger kids. What if I fail when the stakes are so much higher?
Only time and tears will tell. So I shed a few for the baby that isn’t a baby and I pray I will find my way in this new world of non-babies.